


Looking Back

by JustAnAnxiousMess



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Character Death, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:13:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26841217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnAnxiousMess/pseuds/JustAnAnxiousMess
Summary: Trigger Warning: major angst, character death, sorry in advance :P
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: major angst, character death, sorry in advance :P

Seven minutes.

That was all the time Logan had left if his calculations were correct and they usually were.

The chances of him making a mistake were

"infinitesimal"

"You make one mistake and this is what happens!"

Logans lips twitched up into a small smile as he remembered how much Patton enjoyed bringing that mistake up.

He'd felt sort of upset at first but Patton had explained that he didn't mean any harm, it was just mild teasing. It became a sort of affectionate little joke and it became more worrying if Patton didn't bring it up.

Patton had started out as such an annoyance to begin with, someone Logan dreaded spending time with, but he'd grown rather fond of the pun  
loving trait.

Each time they interacted Logan couldn't help but feel warmth in his chest which started out small and then grew until whenever he even thought about Patton he'd be filled with a fuzzy warm feeling.

Logans smile faded slightly as he thought of what had happened when he'd tried to understand that feeling.

He'd been reluctant to go to any of the others for help and had at first tried to research it online but came up with barely any reliable results.

He'd reluctantly tried to seek help after that had failed.

Logan coughed violently and winced as he checked his watch.

6 more minutes left.

He thought of how he'd gone to Virgil first, having felt more comfortable talking to him as he was the least likely to point out that he lacked knowledge of something and required help from someone else.

"I dunno maybe it's just heartburn or something?"

"It is highly unlikely to get heartburn so frequently and at such a coincidental time."

"Alright, whatever then, why did you come to me in the first place? Surely one of the others would be better at explaining? Patton is literally Thomas's heart, Roman's also good with emotions and stuff, Thomas might be able to help and heck, even the snake would be better at this than me."

Virgil had tried his best to help but neither of them were particularly good when it came to expressing or talking about feelings.

Thinking of Virgils comment about Deceit being more helpful made Logan chuckle slightly.

Deceit was never very helpful when anyone asked him a question, he loved toying with them, switching between lying and telling the truth.

Logan had found that out the hard way when he tried to figure out just how many snake mannerisms he had.

"do you require other sources to heat you up or are you warm blooded still? Do you have scales in other places? Do you shed your scales? Do you have a third eyelid that comes down over your serpentine eye? Do you produce any sort of venom? Do you have specific dietary requirements? How often do you have to eat? Is one huge meal enough for several weeks or do you eat regularly like the rest of us? Can you unhinged your jaw to fit bigger items in your mouth? Are your teeth sharper than normal? Can you... "

"Sssssstop! Has no one told you that you talk to much? If you want the answers to your questions you need to sssssssshut your mouth and let me speak."

"my apologies, go ahead."

"my answers are yes."

"excuse me?"

"You're excused."

"I... I was asking you to... Nevermind. What I meant was, what do you mean by your answers are yes?"

"I mean exactly what I said LoLo."

"yes doesn't answer all of the questions properly though, what do you... Deceit! Come back!"

"nah, I've got other things to do which I definitely don't want to do right now. I'd much rather listen to your inane questions."

"Deceit!"

Deceit had never answered any of Logans questions so he'd had to try and figure them out himself through careful observation.

Logan felt a judder of pain radiate through him and he winced.

5 more minutes.

While Deceit was infuriating with his lack of answers it was nothing compared to Roman.

Roman was quite possibly the most annoying person Logan knew, constantly overcomplicating things, so blinded by his love of fantasy and romance that he never stopped to think things through realistically.

The two had definitely disagreed on a lot of things due to that but Logan wouldn't have changed any of it. So many times they'd argued only for them to suddenly realise that both of them had valid points that could then be put together to form an almost perfect solution.

Not to mention the rap battles. Logan grinned as he remembered the first time when he'd shocked everyone with his ability to rap.

"where.... Where did that come from?"

"I have an appreciation for poetry"

"Aaaaaaaaaah!"

The scream of excitement from Patton coupled with the stunned disbelief on Romans face had definitely made that a memorable moment.

He and Roman actually found they shared a lot of common interests, poetry being one of them and Shakespeare being another. Obviously they liked those things for different reasons but that didn't matter.

4 minutes.

Logan closed his eyes, holding back a groan of pain. When the pain faded slightly he sighed.

"to quote Shakespeare's Sonnet 60: Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,  
So do our minutes hasten to their end;  
Each changing place with that which goes before,  
In sequent toil all forwards do contend."

He coughed and spluttered violently after saying all that aloud before shoving a hand over his mouth to muffle the noise. The last thing he wanted was for the others to hear.

He shook his head as tears slid down his pale cheeks. He didn't have many regrets but his biggest one was definitely his own pride.

He was too prideful to ask for help even when it was the only logical solution. He guessed it probably had something to do with his own ego. He hated appearing as if he had no control or knowledge of something but when he did it didn't help if one of the other traits pointed it out.

His damn pride was the reason he was in this mess to begin with.

He could feel his lungs protesting as he took a shaky breath and just about managed to glance at his watch again, his limbs becoming harder to move as he grew weaker.

3 minutes.

He leant his head back against his bedroom wall, closing his eyes as he thought of how this would effect Thomas.

He had purposefully told the others he was not to be disturbed no matter what today. They'd all had at least one issue with his request but upon seeing his dead serious expression they'd allowed him the whole day to himself.

He wasn't sure if Thomas knew though and the last thing he needed right now would be to get summoned because what was happening had some effect on Thomas that made him panic and call for Logan.

Logan hoped the others wouldn't pick up on what was happening because it wasn't exactly like he could lock his door to keep them from bursting in.

2 minutes

Logan glanced at his bedroom door a small choked laugh coming out of his mouth as his eyes struggled to focus on the empty space where the lock used to be.

He only had himself to blame for the lack of a lock on his door and remembered how he'd cursed at himself for managing to get on the wrong side of Patton for once.

"Logan Sanders! What on earth do you think you're doing?"

"mphmmph."

"give me that jar right now! I already told you Dinner is going to be in 20 minutes!"

"mmmph.... It's mine!"

"Logan! I swear to dog if you don't open this door I will ban you from eating Crofters ever again!"

Patton had gotten Roman to kick open the door, breaking the lock in the process, and had then confiscated the jar and spoon Logan had in his hand.

Logan was banned from eating Crofters for a long time and it was only recently he'd been allowed it again.

Not that it really mattered anymore.

Logan screwed his eyes shut as he felt a stabbing pain in his chest and lungs every time he took a breath.

He had a single minute left. 60 seconds and then it would all be over.

He forced his eyes open and looked around his room, tears running down his face as his vision blurred slightly.

Not having a lock on his door had made it more difficult to hide what had been happening and he'd had to think up some rather ingenious places to hide the evidence, just in case someone burst in.

Logan felt something rising in his throat but could no longer lift his arms so he couldn't muffle the choking cough or stop the blood from trickling out of his mouth.

30 seconds.

His breathing was laboured and he shut his eyes. He thought once more back to Patton and the smallest of smiles spread across his lips as he remembered the one instance that had solidified his love for the moral trait.

"Logan could be a Gryffindor."

"and why is that Patton?"

"because he's my hero."

Logan started choking as his lungs seemed to stop functioning completely.

10 seconds.

"Patton I love you"

9.

"I'm sorry for everything."

8.

"I didn't want to trouble you"

7.

"it was easier this way"

6.

"me and my damn pride"

5.

"I never wanted you to see me like this"

4.

"if you're the one to find me I'm sorry"

3.

"I'm so fucking sorry"

2.

"maybe I should have said something sooner."

1.

"back when I first started coughing up p e t a l s "

Logans body went limp, a glistening string of blood and petals coming out of his mouth from where he'd fallen victim to the hanahaki disease.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst! Mentions of blood and character death.

Deceit was walking down the corridor, planning on grabbing something to eat, when he came to a stop because he could smell something strange.

He looked around to make sure no one was around before sticking his tongue out which went from normal to forked in a matter of seconds.

He used his now forked tongue to taste the air and reeled backwards as his senses were assaulted by the metallic tang of blood.

He followed the smell until he came to Logans door where he stopped wide eyed, not sure if he wanted to open it or not.

He gulped and reached a shaky hand out to open the door but was stopped by a voice behind him.

"Deceit? What are you doing? You know Logan said he didn't want anyone to bother him today. He was rather insistent."

Deceit looked round and grimaced slightly as Roman fixed him with a suspicious look.

Deceit had been accepted into the group but Roman still held the view that he was up to something so things were usually awkward and tense between the two of them.

Because of that Deceit didn't dare speak while facing him or his forked tongue would be on show and Roman would jump to the wrong conclusion.

Instead he turned back to the door and spoke carefully, trying not to say too many words with an s in them.

"I wanted to check on Logan. Find out if he'ssss OK."

Roman frowned "Why wouldn't he be?"

"I don't know." Deceit muttered, gritting his teeth as he felt the accusing look on his back.

"What did you do?" Roman demanded, a suspicious glare on his face as he eyed Deceit.

"I haven't done anything! I jussst want to ssssssee if he'sssssss OK becausssssse I ssssssmelt sssssssomething that wasssss ssssssimilar to blood!" Deceit spun round and hissed, losing his patience with Roman who took an alarmed step back when confronted by Deceits angry hissing.

Roman eventually got over his initial shock and glared at Deceit. "looks as if you've been hiding stuff from us, when were you going to tell us that you have a forked tongue and are those fangs?"

Deceit put a hand over his mouth to try and cover the fangs that were starting to poke out but it was too late, Roman had seen them.

"You're just luring us all into a false sense of security so you can bite us and kill us!" Roman yelled and Deceit flinched slightly at his loud voice.

"That'sssss not true!" he hissed back, but Roman took a step closer, scoffing. "you expect me to believe you? You're Deceit! Lying is what you do."

"Roman! What the fuck are you doing?" a voice said from further down the corridor.

Roman turned his head and saw Virgil with his arms crossed and a frown on his face.

"Deceits been hiding stuff from us, he's planning on biting us all in our sleep. Look at him."

Virgil looked at Deceit but he didn't see a vicious snake intent on murder, all he saw was a slightly scared snake that had been backed into the corner, just wanted to be left alone and would probably only bite in self defence.

"Leave him alone Roman. He is not going to bite any of us, although if you keep giving him such a hard time I'll bite you. He's done nothing wrong." Virgil had walked closer now, not even phased as he noticed Deceits tongue and fangs.

Roman didn't seem to be listening so Virgil rolled his eyes and did the only thing that he knew would stop Roman continuing his harassment of Deceit.

"Patton! Roman's doing it again!"

Romans eyes went wide and he groaned as Patton came bounding down the corridor.

"Roman, what have I told you about bothering Deceit?"

Roman huffed "It isn't right for a Prince or Knight to pick on those they are meant to protect. Even if they are slimy snakes." he muttered the last bit under his breath as he sent a sulky glare over at Deceit.

"How did this all start anyway?" Patton asked and Deceit gulped as he once again smelt the blood like scent.

"I... I sssssmelt ssssssomething coming from Logansssss room and wanted to check on him."

"Awwwww look at your little tongue and are those fangs?" Patton gasped and squealed slightly, making Deceit blush and hide his mouth behind a gloved hand.

Virgil had a frown on his face as he thought over what Deceit had said "Wait, what did you smell coming from Logans room?"

Deceit stopped covering his mouth and flicked his tongue out, shuddering as he once again smelt blood. "blood, I think."

There was a few seconds of silence before Patton stepped forward and grabbed the door handle. 

"Wait! Logan said he was going to be busy today! He didn't want to be disturbed remember? He's just going to get really angry at you." Roman said.

Patton looked around at everyone and shrugged. "He can't stay angry at me for long, plus if he's hurt I want to help him. He's stubborn enough that he could break a leg and still attempt to walk around just because he doesn't want help"

With that Patton swing the door open and was greeted by a dark room and a waft of something metallic.

He fumbled for the light switch and inhaled sharply at what he saw when the light flickered to life.

Slumped against the far wall was Logan, his glasses askew and blood pooled around him.

"N... No." Patton said in a quiet voice, his entire body frozen at the sight.

"Patton? What is... Holy shit!"

Virgil had peered into the room and spotted Logan.

Roman looked inside at Virgils exclamation and his jaw dropped in horror. He wasn't frozen in shock for long as he quickly pushed past Patton and checked Logans pulse.

Nothing.

He bowed his head, tears slipping down his face as he realised the logical trait was dead.

No longer would he chastise him for his less than logical thinking, no longer would he destroy him in a rap battle, no longer would he help come up with a solution when no one else could.

"he's.... He's dead." Roman whispered and that was all it took for Patton to collapse.

Virgil rushed forward to hold Patton, tears falling down his own face, causing his eyeshadow to run but he didn't care.

Deceit was frozen in the doorway, still in shock and wondering if there was something he could have done. Maybe if he'd been less hesitant to open the door? Maybe he could have gotten here in time and stopped it from happening?

Roman looked at Logans body, shaking his head in disbelief but then caught sight of something that made him gasp.

"W... What is it?" Virgil asked.

Roman pointed at the pool of blood around Logan and Virgil suddenly noticed the petals.

Deceit took a step into the room and noticed the flower petals also but neither he nor Virgil understood the significance so Roman explained through surpressed sobs. "He had the h... Hanahaki disease. It's one of the most terrifying things in the world and unless certain steps are taken it can be fatal."

"What.... What steps? W... Why didn't he take them?" Virgil asked.

"well the d... Disease starts off with the person coughing up flower petals and it becomes more frequent and painful as time passes and it can last for months until.... Until it reaches the final stage where the lungs just start to g... Give up. The only cures are surgery and.... "

Roman trailed off, wiping away the tears that were still rolling down his cheeks.

"And what?" Deceit asked in a quiet voice.

"And having the rare situation where your love is returned."

"W...wait what?" Virgil asked with wide teary eyes.

"the Hanahaki Disease is caused by unrequited love and if the person suffering from it can't get the one they love to love them back then they die." Roman explained and the whole room fell silent as all eyes drifted to Patton who was unresponsive, his eyes fixed onto Logans body.

"What about the surgery? You said that cured it"

Roman sighed "it does but it removes the feelings too and sometimes depending on how well the surgery goes the ability to love is completely removed as well."

There was another moment of silence before Patton eventually pushed himself to his feet and ran from the room, his sobs the only sound in the mindspace as the other three looked at each other with tear streaked faces.

"I... I don't undersssstand." Deceit said eventually, sniffing slightly.

Roman looked at him and gestured for him to continue.

"We... We all know Patton lovesssss...  
L... Loved.... Logan. Sssso why did he... Why did he d... Die?"

Deceits shock had finally worn off and his words were mixed with sobs that made it slightly difficult to understand him.

"He probably didn't know about Pattons feelings for him. We all know he isn't.... W...wasn't the best when it came to emotions." Roman stumbled slightly at having to use the past tense, he wasn't sure he'd ever get used to it.

"oh no this is all my fault!" Virgil whispered, eyes wide in horror.

"what? Why is it...?"

"He came to me for help with figuring out his feelings. He said he kept getting warm feelings in his chest which was obviously his feelings about Patton but I told him I thought it was heartburn or something. I... I should have known, I could have helped stop this!" Virgils voice rose in volume and pitch as he spoke, getting more hysterical with each word.

Roman put a hand on each of Virgils shoulders and looked him directly in the eyes. "None of this is your fault."

"no Roman, it'ssss everyone'ssss fault, including Loganssss." Deceit said, in almost a whisper.

"Wait what?" Roman said, a confused expression on his face.

Deceit had a bitter smile on his face. "We're all to blame. We shhhhhould have known ssssomething wasssss wrong but we were all too bussssy."

"I... I understand why it's my fault but why you or Roman or Patton?" Virgil asked in a shaky voice.

"I shhhhould have known he wasssss lying, I shhhhould have picked up on Logan hiding ssssomething yet I didn't. Roman knew what the disssseasssse wassss, probably knew the ssssymptomssss and what to look for but he didn't onccce ssseem to noticccce ssssomething wasssss wrong with Logan." Deceits voice was harsh and rising to shouting level by the end of his last sentence.

"W... What about Patton? "Roman asked, reeling slightly from Deceits words.

"He'ssss the one perssson out of all of usss who definitely shhhhould have noticccced sssomething wassss wrong. He paid more attention to Logan than anyone and knew all of hissss little habitssss and everything. He clearly loved Logan ssso how did he misssss ssssomething like this? He shhhhould have been able to tell ssssomething wassss wrong or had changed! Yessss Logan is mossstly at fault for keeping it a fucking ssssecret but damn it Patton shhhhould have picked up on it way before any of ussss! We all shhhhould have known! We're awful awful excusssessss for friendsss!" Deceit was screaming slightly hysterically by the end, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Virgil and Roman stared at Deceit in shock but, before either of them could try to comfort him, the scaled trait turned and fled the room.

Roman looked around the room, trying to ignore how painful but true Deceits words had been.

He should have noticed. He knew the symptoms of the hanahaki disease yet he didn't pick up on Logan having it. He could have confronted Logan about it and helped him express his feelings to Patton.

Then the disease would have been cured because anyone could tell how much Patton loved Logan, except for Logan himself.

Romans eyes settled on Logans body again and he felt even more tears slip down his face.

Virgil seemed to have found his ability to move again because he left the room quickly, a small sob indicating he wanted to go break down in private.

Roman was left on his own in Logans room, just looking at his body in despair. "If only you'd just said something." he whispered "Patton loves you so much, you two could have been so happy together."

He sighed and closed his eyes, drying his face on his sleeve. He then turned around and walked out, flicking the switch off and closing the door with a loud click.

As Roman walked back to his room he mumbled "Goodbye Logan."

Patton was laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with tears running down his face. He hadn't even bothered to turn on his light so he was laying in the dark.

He was devastated by the knowledge of Logans death, he absolutely adored the logical trait and seeing him in such a state was utterly heartbreaking.

Patton wasn't just heartbroken though, he was terrified. Logans death wasn't just painful emotionally, it was painful physically too.

What exactly happens when the person someone with the Hanahaki disease loves dies unexpectedly? Are they magically cured?

Patton coughed and winced as he felt the familiar flutter of a petal in his mouth. He was usually someone who looked at the positives in everything but there was no positive in this situation.

He had the Hanahaki disease and the person he loved was incapable of loving him back so he would either have to have the surgery or let the flowers kill him slowly.

He'd been planning to confess to Logan in the next couple of days but obviously that was no longer an option.

Patton shut his eyes. There was no way he was going to have the surgery, his love for Logan was all he had left of him. He didn't like the idea of slowly dying either though.

Plus all the work he'd have to do to keep it hidden because if anyone found out they'd try and convince him to have the surgery.

He really only had one option.

With an enormous amount of effort he pushed himself out of the bed and shuffled out of his dark room, squinting as the sudden light from the hall almost blinded him.

He walked towards where Logan's door still was and let out a relieved sigh.

He walked inside, not even bothering to turn the light on. He felt his way across the room until he reached the place where Logans body was.

He slid down the wall not caring that he was sitting in a pool of congealed blood.

"I love you so much Logan." he whispered leaning against the wall and staring into the darkness of the room.

The room shuddered slightly and Patton managed a weak smile. "at least this will be less painful than going through what you did."

His quiet comment seemed to be the trigger as the whole room shuddered and everything began to fade away.

All the books, posters and furniture were slowly disappearing and Patton grabbed Logans cold hand in his own as they too began to slowly fade.

"Goodbye everyone, I'm sorry." Patton said before disappearing completely, happy he would be reunited with Logan once more.


End file.
